[Look, Felix is a turbo-virgin; he'd be starting off more confident if he knew anything about kissing or sex to begin with, but Fodlan doesn't even have sex-ed. Anything he knows about it is from Sylvain, and that is not a good source.
Hes relieved that Adrian isn't bringing any of his usual trepidation to this, though. Soon Felix's desire takes over any attempt at doing things right in a technical sense, because all that matters is more, closer, want, need. He wraps both arms around Adrian's neck now and scoots onto his lap as he's pulled. He helps Adrian pull out the hair tie, unleashing his silky dark mane, but then Adrian stops.
Felix blinks his eyes open to the bewildered Adrian looking behind him, and turns his head to see the little dragon staring at them curiously.]
Uhhhh.
[Fuck. Their thoughts are about to get to a rating that a baby should not be witness to. He thinks very hard about a different room in the house, the farthest one away he can imagine, and how very lovely and cozy it is in there. She seems to get the hint, sneezes in confused acceptance, and reluctantly leaves the room.
As soon as she takes one step away, Felix is back to kissing Adrian greedily, except he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, so their lips are mashing together in all sorts of ways. He's breathless, pulling closer still, until he decides this position is too awkward and moves to straddle Adrian's lap.]
[Oh, good, she's left for a safe location. The cats will get bored and leave on their own--in fact he already doesn't see one, who must have realized whatever all of that face-mashing human stuff is isn't treat time for cats and slinked away already. Lucky for everyone involved; Adrian is more than happy to stop forcing himself to think "aaaaa" for the dragon's sake and go back to thinking about where on Felix he'd like to put his hands.
It's his thighs right now, by the way, particularly as Felix shifts to straddle him. That's very smoothly done in the way the rest of Felix's eager affection is, ah, less so-- don't get him wrong, it's a rush to feel this wanted, and it's endearing the way Felix doesn't completely know what to do with himself. He's not going to complain about Felix in his lap, good god, he's not a fool, buuuut...
The mashing. One hand squeezes Felix's thigh, the other sliding to the side of his neck as he leans just a smidge out of mashing range.]
Here, [he mumbles, and he means hang on a second and maybe try this and he kisses Felix slow and deliberate, lips slightly parted, no less intense than what they've already been doing-- but letting the heat of it build into this one kiss instead of popping immediately in all kinds of hasty mashing. There's a time and place for haste, sure, but let him kiss Felix like this first, like he has a point to prove and that point is unraveling him a little.
Adrian has kissed somebody before, after all, please hold surprise until the end.]
[Felix has never been a man of patience, and it's still so exhilarating that Adrian wants him at all that he's gotten a bit carried away. Adrian taking control to redirect that energy gives Felix pause. He realizes with a bit of embarrassment that Adrian probably does know what he's doing, or at least he seems to, with how deliberate he is. And yes, it is a bit surprising, given how Adrian had been all heavens no about love potions at the party, how Felix has noticed him swerve away from anyone getting flirty with him, et cetera.
But it's atttactive, and not at all unwelcome, to be guided by him. The slowness of it gives Felix's mind some time to catch up with everything happening, and time to attend to the sensations more thoroughly- the softness of Adrian's lips, the light brush of his stubble, those warm hands on his still-aching thigh and neck. Felix melts into him a little, following his lead with the kiss, trying to move his mouth the way Adrian does. Trying to learn. It's sort of like being taught a sparring position by having someone touch you to put you in the right place, and he was ever an eager student with that, so why should this be any different?
He experiments with his tongue a little, slipping it out just slightly to brush Adrian's lower lip, trying not to think of anything disgusting Sylvain ever said about tongue-kissing. Clearly, it is a thing, but whether it's a thing most people like, and specifically whether Adrian likes it, he's not sure.]
[It's fine, he can do extreme gymnastics to get away from flirty situations and also be very into Felix at the same time, it tracks-- if Felix ever flirted in anything close to a standard "flirty" way, Adrian might wonder if he'd been replaced by a lizard person, or something.
So it's going well, and he's very compelled by Felix's bumbling enthusiasm and utter disregard for how anything "should be" done. That enthusiasm is contagious, even as Adrian consciously slows them down a little bit; it all comes out through his hands, wandering up and down Felix's thigh, finally running his fingers into his loose hair and curling into a gentle grip.
He hums low and encouragingly into the kiss, parting his lips a bit further to welcome Felix's tentative little exploration. Yes, he likes that, Felix can do more of that if he wants to; Adrian sucks at Felix's lower lip a bit, gently. Felix's drive to learn is highly attractive in a way that tests Adrian's self control, pitting his enjoyment of how slow and tender this is against his new urge to turn and pin Felix to the couch and kiss him breathless.
One thing at a time. He leans back against the cushions instead, bringing Felix to lean more flush against him.]
[It's clicked for him now that Adrian simply isn't interested in being with someone he hasn't first built solid trust and friendship with- and if Adrian only has eyes for Felix, far be it from him to complain. He'd be very pleased by that, actually.
Adrian's technique is good. Felix can see now that the mashing would have quickly turned their lips raw and tingling- this slow way is less sensation, but the sensations that are there are much more pleasant. It's like the way one strategic, well-timed, well-placed strike could fell an opponent in an instant, whereas a barrage of aggressive, poorly aimed strikes could all miss and open you up to counter-attack. And the same way Adrian might teach Felix the basics of swordsmanship if he weren't already so good at it, he teaches him kissing by gently demonstrating. Felix likes that- he's a fast learner, and Adrian is a good teacher. His sucking of Felix's lip makes him shiver, and he then tries doing that to Adrian in return, with his upper lip, before sneaking his tongue inside his mouth a little.
Amidst all this curious learning, however, Felix's attention keeps getting drawn to Adrian's hands. Moving along his thigh, threading into his hair, gripping it enough that his thoughts go hazy. His body burns for those hands- the same ones that expertly wield a blade, steadily hold his hand, and suffer at the expense of magic, Felix imagines touching him everywhere. Pushing, pulling, grabbing, rubbing. That desire distracts him from their little kissing lesson, makes him wrap his own hands around the base of Adrian's skull and slide his fingers up into his hair, nails scraping at his scalp gently as he grips brown locks, not hard, but with a certain greediness. He readily presses his body against Adrian's, his hips automatically rolling forward to seek some kind of pressure. His breathing is heavy and staggered, and he's nearly overwhelmed with sheer want.
Anyone from home would be floored that anyone got this far with Felix. He always insisted he was more comfortable with a blade than a romantic partner, and was so singularly focused on his goals that he ignored the potential entirely. Sex isn't even something he thinks about much- if his thoughts are getting too horny and pesky, he usually just masturbates quickly to get rid of them and get on with other things.
But this perfect storm of a man, against all odds, has caught his attention, slipped past his defenses, gained his trust, and now... It would seem that Felix actually does have an ocean of sexual desire lurking beneath the surface, it just needed the right person to come out for. Adrian, it seems, has now opened Pandora's box.]
[It's safe to say now that Adrian only has eyes for Felix-- and lips, and hands, and the rest-- It's only Felix who brings this out in him, makes him feel like he's someone worth desiring, like he's worth learning any of this for. Every little thing he does is electric; the way he shifts, each new press of his lips and tongue, the fingers raked through Adrian's hair all come together in one perfectly overwhelming package that Adrian thinks it would be easy to get lost in if he's not careful. Maybe even if he is-- maybe he should.
To wit, he makes a soft noise in his throat as he parts his lips for Felix's tongue, encouraging and wanting. He drags his hand out of Felix's hair, letting the smooth locks drag pleasingly over his fingers. Suddenly he wants nothing more than to get Felix to press against him like that again, trailing those fingers from his hair down his spine, dipping into the small of his back and splaying his hand flat, a gentle and insistent pressure. The more Felix falls into him the more Adrian wants to keep him there, all warm mouth and tight grip, their breathing mixing together as he stops kissing him, briefly, to murmur hot against his lips,]
That's-- that's good. [Ah, be specific,] My hair. You can.
[Absolutely pull his hair, he wants that very badly actually. Now that he's stopped to say actual words for a second he lingers there up close, eyes roving over Felix's face, a smile playing over his features that is, in fact, giddy and embarrassing. There are real adult words to be had here, and they'll get there eventually, but right now all Adrian wants is to feel. He tilts his head to press a quicker kiss to the corner of Felix's mouth and even that is a heady rush, spurring him on to trail kisses down to Felix's jaw and down the side of his neck.
One for how Felix cares for him more than anyone has; two for the way he reacts to each thing Adrian does; three for the way Adrian's head spins with affection and want a half dozen other things-- and a handful more just for himself.]
[The careful pull of Adrian's hand through his hair, the verbal encouragement, and the hand on the small of his back, pressing his hips forward... It's more than his brain can process, so his body reacts automatically. As Adrian gazes upon him, he'll see Felix's pupils blown wide in lidded amber eyes, a heavy blush on his cheeks, and a dazed, utterly lustful expression. His body instantly flushes with heat, and as Adrian kisses his jaw and neck, Felix drives his hips into him. He leans forward so that Adrian's mouth will still make contact with his neck as he pulls the man's hair hard enough to tilt his head backward.
And for the first time in front of another person, Felix moans.
An opening of his jaw as he tilts his own head back, and a breathy exhaled sound from deep in his throat that sounds at once overwhelmed and desperate for more. His hips roll hard and greedy against Adrian's as though they've always known how to do this and the ability was just lying dormant.
At some point, Felix may realize that Sylvain probably could have pulled this out of him if he'd ever really tried- but he hadn't. He'd only focused on girls, so Felix pushed his feelings so far down into the abyss that even he didn't know they were there. He'd repressed all of it, every sexual or romantic emotion he ever had toward anyone, along with a lot of other regular emotions, too, in favor of focusing on his goals. Besides, war doesn't leave much room for things like this.
So, Adrian is the only person who both had the ability to do this to him, and actually wanted to, thus opening him up for those years of repressed feelings to explode outward. All of those feelings flood him now as he can no longer think straight at all, as his body seems to move almost without his own say in it. He wants more from Adrian, he wants everything, he wants to be the weapon he expertly wields, he wants to learn all the intricate ways to press his buttons and make him scream, he wants to consume him and be consumed. But Felix has never done this before, and it's all happening so fast. A small part of him is looking on at this, terrified of the vulnerability Felix is showing with a man who, in the grand scheme of things, he hasn't known for very long. A tinier part of him is screaming at him to slow the fuck down, and he can just barely hear it over the roar of his own desire.]
Fuck, Adrian, I--
[He doesn't know what he's trying to say, because forming a sentence is currently beyond him, but his tone of voice and ragged breath should be enough to signal that this is amazing, but it's also a lot, and perhaps he needs a moment to breathe.]
[Oh, and that's a lot of Felix all at once-- Even as Adrian's head is pulled back, the sting in his scalp is just the right amount of pleasurably sharp to make his breath catch, kissing Felix's neck and throat with renewed hunger. He wants ever more of Felix, the rough roll of his hips and every noise and trembling breath he takes, the greedy satisfaction that he, Adrian, can make Felix feel like this. He, Adrian, who had given up years ago on ever really getting close to someone again, let alone like this, can undo Felix's guard as smoothly as he let down his hair.
Not that he hasn't been nearly as lost in it this whole time, himself. Every part of his body that touches Felix's feels like it's catching fire, and his every thought is Felix, and wanting Felix, and wanting Felix to want him.
--Well, more than this. Differently. This and other things, as he finds that in between much baser thoughts about Felix in his lap, fingers in his hair, sweet sounds eked out with the press of Adrian's lips-- he thinks about their home here, together. Making dinner, the crease Felix gets in his brow when he sharpens his sword, the easy comfort of just being around each other.
It's soft in the exact way this thing between them right now is suddenly tipping back into hasty mashing territory, and Adrian wants Felix more than he's wanted anyone in a while but he's not a brute; Felix says his name like that and he practically feels himself stumble back down to a... calmer level, just tucking his head into the crook of Felix's neck to come down for a bit.
He'll slow them down again, lifting his head to press a single, chaste kiss to Felix's lips and wrap his arms around his waist.
Breathe; he's still here. He also could use a moment, all things considered.]
[Despite their short time together, Adrian knows him. Maybe it's the sheer amount of time they spend around each other, but Adrian can almost always pick up on the finer points of the complicated and evasive language Felix speaks. The kind of language where his silence and the small tells of his body language usually say far more than his words. The kind of language where he often says the exact opposite of what he really feels. Perhaps it's Adrian's willingness to attempt to understand Felix, a quiet patience for his blunt weird grumpy way of communicating, that makes him so effortless to be around. Perhaps he fits perfectly because he knows how to mould himself around Felix's sharp edges and fill in his weird gaps like some sort of thick, silky liquid.
And of course, this moment is no different, where Felix is saying I need a minute without saying that at all, and Adrian just knows, and gives him that. Hungry kisses against his neck turn instantly to the soft brush of Adrian's hair as he presses his forehead there. Felix's grip on his hair, in turn, becomes a cradling of the back of his head. His hips don't stop moving immediately, but they slow and soften considerably.
Felix's breathing sounds like he's just had a long and intense bout of sparring. He's a bit light-headed. There's even a tiny vocalization on an exhale here or there, as that lustful energy is still leaking out of him. Adrian kisses him, holds him, and Felix slumps forward a little to rest his chin on his Roommate's shoulder and try to relax himself. He ignores Adrian's awkward mumbling and interjects his own mumbling that's awkward in another way.]
I've never--
[His next huff is slightly frustrated, because this is embarrassing to admit. Adrian can probably tell he's inexperienced, but he still needs to say it, to make sure. It's only fair that Adrian knows what he's dealing with, and only fair to Felix that Adrian has an inkling that they should maybe take things slow despite Felix's obvious desire to speedrun it.]
[Ages ago Adrian trained to be part of a team, to understand the subtle reactions and responses of a dozen other people at a glance, to keep the team operating smoothly; perhaps it's that old experience that lends itself to molding against Felix's sharpest edges. Not that he does it automatically, no, it took Felix's gruff and sometimes clumsy efforts to care about him and his business to get him there, first; now that they've spent enough time together, Felix's half-sentences aren't hard to parse at all.
And, you know, basic logic-- neither of them are exactly the type to go any further than this now, immediately after realizing there was a "further" to head for in the first place. He's just as content to sit like this, without any--mashing, and to turn his head to press a kiss to Felix's temple. It's more of a smush of his mouth and chin against Felix's hair at this angle, but it's affectionate, so please accept it.
He's quiet, just looking out... across the room... yeah, it was fairly obvious that Felix hasn't done this before. Adrian doesn't say anything immediately-- mostly because his immediate thought is oh REALLY, and he knows that's only going to annoy Felix no matter how like a joke he can make it sound. Ahem.]
That's alright. I mean, I'm here for you, not... [He shrugs, trailing off; it's not the experience that's the point.]
[Adrian has his share of half-sentences, too, but for some reason it doesn't usually irritate Felix the way it would with anyone else. Maybe because he's intrigued enough by Adrian to try to piece the rest of the sentence together himself, and usually ends up getting there. Like right now, when the sentence is unfinished but he gets Adrian's meaning anyway. He allows that sentiment, and the kiss against his hair, to soothe him a little.]
Okay.
[He believes it. He closes his eyes and focuses on taking deeper breaths as their chests heave against each other. Attending to his body again, it's still quite warm, and he's hard and throbbing where his hips are now stilled against Adrian. Good Goddess.]
Fuck, you're so... It's...
[He heaves another little huff, laying his cheek more firmly on Adrian's shoulder. Can Adrian make sense of that one? His tone sounds flustered.]
It's intense. I've never felt like this.
[Welp. What's a little more vulnerability on this wildly vulnerable journey of dying and coming back to life. He's going to have to go for a long walk in the woods later, or something.]
[All things considered it would probably be easier to calm down if they would just let go of each other-- but then that would mean letting go of each other, and Adrian is loath to do that just yet. It would be more awkward than not to sit on opposite ends of the couch and not look at each other, after all, and quite simply, it feels nice to still be pressed close like this.
In, hm, several ways; he's not not hard, but he's trying very diligently not to move too much, so as not to draw attention to it. Felix is already in his lap, so he's failed step one, but like, maybe step two (continue to not fidget) is achievable. He's trying.
He thinks he can piece together that flustered non-sentence, though, because he chuckles lightly and says,] So are you.
[With the way he's sitting, there are even so many very kissable parts of Felix just inches away, and it would be so very easy to rile him up again, but-- slow. Slow and steady.]
We don't have to, you know, do anything, [he says, soft and quiet. They've already pulled the brake, but he feels like it's worth saying it out loud, properly, just like the part about how much experience either of them has-- there are no demands or expectations here. Just earnest bumbling, honestly.]
[Oh, there's not a fraction of a chance Felix is letting go now. You've unlocked clingy Felix and now he's stuck to you like a baby koala, sorry Adrian.
That little quip makes Felix smile, and he turns his face into Adrian's neck to press very soft kisses there. His fingers play with and stroke the back of his hair in small movements.
He appreciates Adrian's reassurance. He's feeling around in the dark, here- the older man's explicit guidance is certainly needed. He considers the options Adrian presents.]
I want it. Want you-- bad.
[He breathes it against Adrian's neck.]
But...
[But, well, emotional vulnerability is one of his least favourite things, and having sex with Adrian would definitely open up more of it. He trusts Adrian, but this is still new. He wants to make sure it's not going to crash and burn somehow before he puts all of himself on the line.
Well, maybe it's already too late. But part of him needs that control, over at least the timing, if he can't control how deeply he cares about Adrian.]
It's new. A bit...
[Scary.]
I just need to get used to it.
[That's not to say he won't jump Adrian's bones the next time they're alone in a room together, like, tomorrow. He reserves that right. But for now, he hangs onto his sliver of self-control.]
[Ah, and it's somehow that combination-- the soft affection and the direct words, whole sentences!-- that makes Adrian blush brightly, huffing out a laugh that's mostly nerves. It's different hearing it directly, even if, well, he already could tell. There's still a part of him that isn't used to being wanted, anymore, so it's... more solid, to hear it and experience it. Solid, good, real.
And he blushes all the way to his ears about it, but that's just a sacrifice he'll have to make. He tilts his head to welcome more of those kisses, trailing a finger over Felix's back in lazy, loopy shapes.]
Of course. I'll be here.
[For both talking about feelings and getting his bones jumped, whichever, whenever. He shifts, keeping Felix close up against him, to turn sideways and lie back across the couch more comfortably. It's not the smoothest operation so please work with him here, it'll be comfortable in a second--
[There's still a smile on his lips as his nose traces meandering lines on the column of Adrian's neck. Here it is: you've slowly chipped away at all Felix's hard and weird layers, and you've finally found the gooey centre. Bask in it while it lasts- it might harden again at any moment.
Oh, they're moving, and thankfully he's not being pushed off, just re-positioned. Even the act of Adrian moving both of their bodies at once sends a small surge of warm desire through him again, thinking of all the ways in the future Adrian might position him, the ways their bodies might move against each other, whether for sex or just... Perhaps sharing a bed. What would that be like? It sounds incredibly nice; he's not immune to wanting that kind of comfort.
He moves to lay at Adrian's side, but half of him is still draped over his roommate, knee bent over his thighs, hand coming up to cradle the opposite side of Adrian's neck and jaw. He gazes for a long moment at the dark mark on this side of his face, only partially covered by his facial hair- then kisses it softly.]
Anything. Your pick.
[With the people he's soft for, he tends to be curious. He always wants to know more about Adrian, and there are things to be learned about him through the story he tells. But there could also be something illuminating about what Adrian chooses to tell to Felix about him when invited to say literally anything. Any story, ever in his life-- what will stand out, what will seem important to share? Felix bets it'll be magic-related, but he wonders if he might be surprised.]
[Oh, this is absolutely tender and saccharine, and Adrian isn't complaining at all. Being stuck with Felix sounds lovely, no matter how many prickly layers he has at any given time-- Adrian has stuck around for those already, he won't be shying away from Felix's moods now. Gods know he's not a walk in the park himself, always running headfirst into the next opportunity to do something terrible to himself in the name of magic practice...
They're stuck with each other, it seems. He keeps one arm hooked around Felix and skims his fingers up and down Felix's arm with the other. He's downright cozy, thinking only of wasting away the rest of the day curled up like this, until they decide to wile away the rest of the evening in somebody's bed, perhaps. He'll tell stories until his voice gives out if that's what it takes.
There's a moment where, becoming aware Felix is staring at his mark, the coziness dips dangerously, and he's a heartbeat away from squirming uncomfortably into a new position, maybe just yanking Felix over to his other side, when, oh! A kiss. Of course it's a kiss, because Felix has accepted even the worst part of him without any objections, or uncomfortable curiosities, or any of the usual routine.
Immediately, he tears up. He tries to blink back the hazy rush of tears to no avail, and has to scrub a hand over his face with a mumbled,] Sorry, I-- hold on a second.
[He's good, he's fine, it's nothing-- He gives Felix a tight squeeze and takes a deep breath. Tears aside, he'll be riding the high of that simple kiss for the next small age. Always a plus.
Story time.]
My student, the one who-- [is in some kind of mysterious trouble, mmm,] You know. Her name is Helena, although after she started learning the rapier, she insisted on being called Bee.
[A pause, like, obviously. The stinger. Felix is a sword guy, he gets it. She's ridiculous, but isn't that also adorable? Kids!]
I think you would like her, she's... spirited. Very dedicated. There was one time I had her practicing how to handle a larger enemy, and the first thing she did was climb the lattice in her parents' garden and leap at the training dummy from above.
[Adrian has accepted Felix for all the terrible things he is and has never once judged him. Calling your friend a boar? Fine. Defecting and killing your father? Wow, gotcha. Being generally rude and pissy? All good. The least Felix can do is try his best to understand Adrian in turn, and accept him even when he doesn't fully get it. Even when he's being reckless and hurting himself.
His eyes widen slightly as he sees Adrian lose composure, and then his brow creases with concern.]
What's wrong?
[He murmurs it quietly. Even after Adrian had to kill a bunch of innocent people, and see a little girl die, he didn't cry- Felix isn't sure what caused it to happen now.
He moves his face back slightly to regard Adrian's face as he tells the story. Yes, he remembers this student. He smiles at her self-imposed alias, and huffs a small laugh at the end there. She sounds... A lot like a younger Felix.]
Yes. I'd like her.
[Oh!]
Someone told me that time back home is on pause while we're here. So at least you know nothing bad is happening to her at the moment.
[She'll still be in trouble when Adrian gets back, but for now, at least.
Which makes his mind wander to whether Adrian will want to go home, and whether he'll want to go home (probably not), and their eventual possible separation from each other. Hm. Something to ponder... Later. Not right now.]
[He's fine now! He only cried for a few seconds, and while he'll probably open up more about that someday, he doesn't want to spend this time talking about his curse-based insecurities. Later, later. He turns his head to give Felix a smile, see! All fine!
But, good, perhaps the leaders will think it prudent to bring a teenage girl here and little Bee will be rescued from her mysterious fate and he won't ever have to worry about what's happened to her again, because she'll be right here, most likely, badgering him about getting her new equipment--
Wait.]
What? On... pause. And that's a certainty? Someone found out?
[That would mean-- does it mean she's aware of being "on pause," wherever she is-- no, it couldn't be that. So then it can be a relief, a tension going out of him at once, making him pull Felix in close and curl in against him, tucking his head against Felix's shoulder. He might tear up again, but at least this time it won't be difficult to figure out why.]
[Felix just looks at Adrian for a long moment, trying to assess whether he's really okay- but he smiles, and it seems genuine enough. Felix isn't the kind to pry, anyway, so he'll let it go.]
Yes. I think it's just a fact of things here. Those who have been here a while know stuff like that. It pauses when they take you out, and then eventually they put you right back at the exact time you left, so it's like you were never gone. Unless you choose to stay here permanently.
[That information has the intended effect on Adrian- he'd been meaning to tell him, because Felix knew he'd be relieved. He curls up into Felix, and something about it is so... Vulnerable, so sweet. Felix feels a strong urge to protect this person, and it shows in the way he wraps his arms around him completely, as though shielding him from something.]
Yeah. Of course.
[More than protection, he truly wants Adrian to be happy. Not just happy with Felix, though selfishly that would be nice- he wants Adrian to have his own life, be his own man, and feel fulfilled in that. Work past these things that weigh him down, and work toward things that bring him joy and make him feel confident.
He deserves to be confident.
Of course, Felix doesn't say any of this... Words are hard, and it would just make him feel even more vulnerable than he's already been all day today. So he kisses his hair and lets his hands do the talking- rubbing Adrian's back, smoothing over his shoulders, stroking his hair. At one point, his fingertips catching on something on his skin behind his ear, and they pause there to feel it more closely. It's not a zit, it's not even made of skin- it's hard, like metal or something.]
[Were Adrian focused enough to be skeptical, he might wonder-- how come the leaders don't simply use that same magic here, in their own world, to solve their problems while keeping them at bay? But he's only thinking of the immense weight lifted from his shoulders, of the gift of time and of not feeling a pang of guilt every time he thinks he's happier here than he was back home.
Because he is. Happier. Yes, there is the issue of Bee, of course, and he has a responsibility to do something about that, but the rest? No one here treats him like a pariah. His magic has returned, albeit not in the most ideal way. Most shockingly of all he has Felix, who cares for him and wraps around him like this, like he is something worth cherishing.
So, really. If not for the one big problem, bully to the university and the city and all the rest. He supposes he'd miss his parents.
But he's getting distracted. Felix's fingers brush the stone behind his ear and it reacts, although only to Adrian, pulsing out a dim energy like it's a thing awake with its own heartbeat. The return of his magic has of course meant the stone is restored, too-- he had felt it stir on that same day and ignored it; it's no use to him here.]
That's the spider, [he says, like that means literally anything, and then corrects himself, leaning his head back some so as not to mumble everything into Felix's shoulder,] That's what we called it. It's from the university. Everyone in the cohort had one-- it connected us.
[Felix is happier here, too. Back home he was just... Running. Constantly evading his own emotions, grief, and other people. Here, he's been forced to reset, to do something different. Perhaps he'll still be running, in a way, but in a more enjoyable way? Or perhaps he will actually be able to face all of his baggage from the past. He's already done a bit of that, anyway.
In any case, he won't be alone. He won't be allowed to isolate himself, and that's probably for the best, since it's already doing wonders just to have Adrian and the animals around.
That explanation of the stone... Okay, cool, so that's terrifying and makes no sense to Felix. Say more about that.]
Is it? It came part and parcel with the program. You should have seen the way a handful of university students can annoy each other with something like this.
[He's even a bit nostalgic; up until the end, he had a great time at school-- he misses it, and the cohort, what's left of them.
Still, they did call it the spider. He knows it's at least a little odd, as a thing to have implanted at school.
But no matter, because Felix leaning over him is a brilliant unintentional distraction, and Adrian can't resist twisting and leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. Observing his head spider? No; kisses, actually.]
Sounds torturous. If Garreg Mach did this to us, I probably would have cut it out of me.
[At the stolen cheek kiss, he looks at Adrian as though he just caught him doing something naughty. But it's teasing, and then he catches his lips in another kiss, and then another long one, as he sinks back down into the couch again, into Adrian's embrace. This kissing shit is very nice- now that he's done it once, he just wants to do it forever.]
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Hes relieved that Adrian isn't bringing any of his usual trepidation to this, though. Soon Felix's desire takes over any attempt at doing things right in a technical sense, because all that matters is more, closer, want, need. He wraps both arms around Adrian's neck now and scoots onto his lap as he's pulled. He helps Adrian pull out the hair tie, unleashing his silky dark mane, but then Adrian stops.
Felix blinks his eyes open to the bewildered Adrian looking behind him, and turns his head to see the little dragon staring at them curiously.]
Uhhhh.
[Fuck. Their thoughts are about to get to a rating that a baby should not be witness to. He thinks very hard about a different room in the house, the farthest one away he can imagine, and how very lovely and cozy it is in there. She seems to get the hint, sneezes in confused acceptance, and reluctantly leaves the room.
As soon as she takes one step away, Felix is back to kissing Adrian greedily, except he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing, so their lips are mashing together in all sorts of ways. He's breathless, pulling closer still, until he decides this position is too awkward and moves to straddle Adrian's lap.]
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It's his thighs right now, by the way, particularly as Felix shifts to straddle him. That's very smoothly done in the way the rest of Felix's eager affection is, ah, less so-- don't get him wrong, it's a rush to feel this wanted, and it's endearing the way Felix doesn't completely know what to do with himself. He's not going to complain about Felix in his lap, good god, he's not a fool, buuuut...
The mashing. One hand squeezes Felix's thigh, the other sliding to the side of his neck as he leans just a smidge out of mashing range.]
Here, [he mumbles, and he means hang on a second and maybe try this and he kisses Felix slow and deliberate, lips slightly parted, no less intense than what they've already been doing-- but letting the heat of it build into this one kiss instead of popping immediately in all kinds of hasty mashing. There's a time and place for haste, sure, but let him kiss Felix like this first, like he has a point to prove and that point is unraveling him a little.
Adrian has kissed somebody before, after all, please hold surprise until the end.]
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But it's atttactive, and not at all unwelcome, to be guided by him. The slowness of it gives Felix's mind some time to catch up with everything happening, and time to attend to the sensations more thoroughly- the softness of Adrian's lips, the light brush of his stubble, those warm hands on his still-aching thigh and neck. Felix melts into him a little, following his lead with the kiss, trying to move his mouth the way Adrian does. Trying to learn. It's sort of like being taught a sparring position by having someone touch you to put you in the right place, and he was ever an eager student with that, so why should this be any different?
He experiments with his tongue a little, slipping it out just slightly to brush Adrian's lower lip, trying not to think of anything disgusting Sylvain ever said about tongue-kissing. Clearly, it is a thing, but whether it's a thing most people like, and specifically whether Adrian likes it, he's not sure.]
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So it's going well, and he's very compelled by Felix's bumbling enthusiasm and utter disregard for how anything "should be" done. That enthusiasm is contagious, even as Adrian consciously slows them down a little bit; it all comes out through his hands, wandering up and down Felix's thigh, finally running his fingers into his loose hair and curling into a gentle grip.
He hums low and encouragingly into the kiss, parting his lips a bit further to welcome Felix's tentative little exploration. Yes, he likes that, Felix can do more of that if he wants to; Adrian sucks at Felix's lower lip a bit, gently. Felix's drive to learn is highly attractive in a way that tests Adrian's self control, pitting his enjoyment of how slow and tender this is against his new urge to turn and pin Felix to the couch and kiss him breathless.
One thing at a time. He leans back against the cushions instead, bringing Felix to lean more flush against him.]
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Adrian's technique is good. Felix can see now that the mashing would have quickly turned their lips raw and tingling- this slow way is less sensation, but the sensations that are there are much more pleasant. It's like the way one strategic, well-timed, well-placed strike could fell an opponent in an instant, whereas a barrage of aggressive, poorly aimed strikes could all miss and open you up to counter-attack. And the same way Adrian might teach Felix the basics of swordsmanship if he weren't already so good at it, he teaches him kissing by gently demonstrating. Felix likes that- he's a fast learner, and Adrian is a good teacher. His sucking of Felix's lip makes him shiver, and he then tries doing that to Adrian in return, with his upper lip, before sneaking his tongue inside his mouth a little.
Amidst all this curious learning, however, Felix's attention keeps getting drawn to Adrian's hands. Moving along his thigh, threading into his hair, gripping it enough that his thoughts go hazy. His body burns for those hands- the same ones that expertly wield a blade, steadily hold his hand, and suffer at the expense of magic, Felix imagines touching him everywhere. Pushing, pulling, grabbing, rubbing. That desire distracts him from their little kissing lesson, makes him wrap his own hands around the base of Adrian's skull and slide his fingers up into his hair, nails scraping at his scalp gently as he grips brown locks, not hard, but with a certain greediness. He readily presses his body against Adrian's, his hips automatically rolling forward to seek some kind of pressure. His breathing is heavy and staggered, and he's nearly overwhelmed with sheer want.
Anyone from home would be floored that anyone got this far with Felix. He always insisted he was more comfortable with a blade than a romantic partner, and was so singularly focused on his goals that he ignored the potential entirely. Sex isn't even something he thinks about much- if his thoughts are getting too horny and pesky, he usually just masturbates quickly to get rid of them and get on with other things.
But this perfect storm of a man, against all odds, has caught his attention, slipped past his defenses, gained his trust, and now... It would seem that Felix actually does have an ocean of sexual desire lurking beneath the surface, it just needed the right person to come out for. Adrian, it seems, has now opened Pandora's box.]
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To wit, he makes a soft noise in his throat as he parts his lips for Felix's tongue, encouraging and wanting. He drags his hand out of Felix's hair, letting the smooth locks drag pleasingly over his fingers. Suddenly he wants nothing more than to get Felix to press against him like that again, trailing those fingers from his hair down his spine, dipping into the small of his back and splaying his hand flat, a gentle and insistent pressure. The more Felix falls into him the more Adrian wants to keep him there, all warm mouth and tight grip, their breathing mixing together as he stops kissing him, briefly, to murmur hot against his lips,]
That's-- that's good. [Ah, be specific,] My hair. You can.
[Absolutely pull his hair, he wants that very badly actually. Now that he's stopped to say actual words for a second he lingers there up close, eyes roving over Felix's face, a smile playing over his features that is, in fact, giddy and embarrassing. There are real adult words to be had here, and they'll get there eventually, but right now all Adrian wants is to feel. He tilts his head to press a quicker kiss to the corner of Felix's mouth and even that is a heady rush, spurring him on to trail kisses down to Felix's jaw and down the side of his neck.
One for how Felix cares for him more than anyone has; two for the way he reacts to each thing Adrian does; three for the way Adrian's head spins with affection and want a half dozen other things-- and a handful more just for himself.]
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And for the first time in front of another person, Felix moans.
An opening of his jaw as he tilts his own head back, and a breathy exhaled sound from deep in his throat that sounds at once overwhelmed and desperate for more. His hips roll hard and greedy against Adrian's as though they've always known how to do this and the ability was just lying dormant.
At some point, Felix may realize that Sylvain probably could have pulled this out of him if he'd ever really tried- but he hadn't. He'd only focused on girls, so Felix pushed his feelings so far down into the abyss that even he didn't know they were there. He'd repressed all of it, every sexual or romantic emotion he ever had toward anyone, along with a lot of other regular emotions, too, in favor of focusing on his goals. Besides, war doesn't leave much room for things like this.
So, Adrian is the only person who both had the ability to do this to him, and actually wanted to, thus opening him up for those years of repressed feelings to explode outward. All of those feelings flood him now as he can no longer think straight at all, as his body seems to move almost without his own say in it. He wants more from Adrian, he wants everything, he wants to be the weapon he expertly wields, he wants to learn all the intricate ways to press his buttons and make him scream, he wants to consume him and be consumed. But Felix has never done this before, and it's all happening so fast. A small part of him is looking on at this, terrified of the vulnerability Felix is showing with a man who, in the grand scheme of things, he hasn't known for very long. A tinier part of him is screaming at him to slow the fuck down, and he can just barely hear it over the roar of his own desire.]
Fuck, Adrian, I--
[He doesn't know what he's trying to say, because forming a sentence is currently beyond him, but his tone of voice and ragged breath should be enough to signal that this is amazing, but it's also a lot, and perhaps he needs a moment to breathe.]
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Not that he hasn't been nearly as lost in it this whole time, himself. Every part of his body that touches Felix's feels like it's catching fire, and his every thought is Felix, and wanting Felix, and wanting Felix to want him.
--Well, more than this. Differently. This and other things, as he finds that in between much baser thoughts about Felix in his lap, fingers in his hair, sweet sounds eked out with the press of Adrian's lips-- he thinks about their home here, together. Making dinner, the crease Felix gets in his brow when he sharpens his sword, the easy comfort of just being around each other.
It's soft in the exact way this thing between them right now is suddenly tipping back into hasty mashing territory, and Adrian wants Felix more than he's wanted anyone in a while but he's not a brute; Felix says his name like that and he practically feels himself stumble back down to a... calmer level, just tucking his head into the crook of Felix's neck to come down for a bit.
He'll slow them down again, lifting his head to press a single, chaste kiss to Felix's lips and wrap his arms around his waist.
Breathe; he's still here. He also could use a moment, all things considered.]
... Soooo... [smoothest man alive award--]
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And of course, this moment is no different, where Felix is saying I need a minute without saying that at all, and Adrian just knows, and gives him that. Hungry kisses against his neck turn instantly to the soft brush of Adrian's hair as he presses his forehead there. Felix's grip on his hair, in turn, becomes a cradling of the back of his head. His hips don't stop moving immediately, but they slow and soften considerably.
Felix's breathing sounds like he's just had a long and intense bout of sparring. He's a bit light-headed. There's even a tiny vocalization on an exhale here or there, as that lustful energy is still leaking out of him. Adrian kisses him, holds him, and Felix slumps forward a little to rest his chin on his Roommate's shoulder and try to relax himself. He ignores Adrian's awkward mumbling and interjects his own mumbling that's awkward in another way.]
I've never--
[His next huff is slightly frustrated, because this is embarrassing to admit. Adrian can probably tell he's inexperienced, but he still needs to say it, to make sure. It's only fair that Adrian knows what he's dealing with, and only fair to Felix that Adrian has an inkling that they should maybe take things slow despite Felix's obvious desire to speedrun it.]
I've never done any of this before.
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And, you know, basic logic-- neither of them are exactly the type to go any further than this now, immediately after realizing there was a "further" to head for in the first place. He's just as content to sit like this, without any--mashing, and to turn his head to press a kiss to Felix's temple. It's more of a smush of his mouth and chin against Felix's hair at this angle, but it's affectionate, so please accept it.
He's quiet, just looking out... across the room... yeah, it was fairly obvious that Felix hasn't done this before. Adrian doesn't say anything immediately-- mostly because his immediate thought is oh REALLY, and he knows that's only going to annoy Felix no matter how like a joke he can make it sound. Ahem.]
That's alright. I mean, I'm here for you, not... [He shrugs, trailing off; it's not the experience that's the point.]
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Okay.
[He believes it. He closes his eyes and focuses on taking deeper breaths as their chests heave against each other. Attending to his body again, it's still quite warm, and he's hard and throbbing where his hips are now stilled against Adrian. Good Goddess.]
Fuck, you're so... It's...
[He heaves another little huff, laying his cheek more firmly on Adrian's shoulder. Can Adrian make sense of that one? His tone sounds flustered.]
It's intense. I've never felt like this.
[Welp. What's a little more vulnerability on this wildly vulnerable journey of dying and coming back to life. He's going to have to go for a long walk in the woods later, or something.]
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In, hm, several ways; he's not not hard, but he's trying very diligently not to move too much, so as not to draw attention to it. Felix is already in his lap, so he's failed step one, but like, maybe step two (continue to not fidget) is achievable. He's trying.
He thinks he can piece together that flustered non-sentence, though, because he chuckles lightly and says,] So are you.
[With the way he's sitting, there are even so many very kissable parts of Felix just inches away, and it would be so very easy to rile him up again, but-- slow. Slow and steady.]
We don't have to, you know, do anything, [he says, soft and quiet. They've already pulled the brake, but he feels like it's worth saying it out loud, properly, just like the part about how much experience either of them has-- there are no demands or expectations here. Just earnest bumbling, honestly.]
We could talk, or... talk later.
[Could just sit in silence!]
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That little quip makes Felix smile, and he turns his face into Adrian's neck to press very soft kisses there. His fingers play with and stroke the back of his hair in small movements.
He appreciates Adrian's reassurance. He's feeling around in the dark, here- the older man's explicit guidance is certainly needed. He considers the options Adrian presents.]
I want it. Want you-- bad.
[He breathes it against Adrian's neck.]
But...
[But, well, emotional vulnerability is one of his least favourite things, and having sex with Adrian would definitely open up more of it. He trusts Adrian, but this is still new. He wants to make sure it's not going to crash and burn somehow before he puts all of himself on the line.
Well, maybe it's already too late. But part of him needs that control, over at least the timing, if he can't control how deeply he cares about Adrian.]
It's new. A bit...
[Scary.]
I just need to get used to it.
[That's not to say he won't jump Adrian's bones the next time they're alone in a room together, like, tomorrow. He reserves that right. But for now, he hangs onto his sliver of self-control.]
Talk to me? Tell me a story. Or something.
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And he blushes all the way to his ears about it, but that's just a sacrifice he'll have to make. He tilts his head to welcome more of those kisses, trailing a finger over Felix's back in lazy, loopy shapes.]
Of course. I'll be here.
[For both talking about feelings and getting his bones jumped, whichever, whenever. He shifts, keeping Felix close up against him, to turn sideways and lie back across the couch more comfortably. It's not the smoothest operation so please work with him here, it'll be comfortable in a second--
Okay. Mmph.]
What kind of story?
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[There's still a smile on his lips as his nose traces meandering lines on the column of Adrian's neck. Here it is: you've slowly chipped away at all Felix's hard and weird layers, and you've finally found the gooey centre. Bask in it while it lasts- it might harden again at any moment.
Oh, they're moving, and thankfully he's not being pushed off, just re-positioned. Even the act of Adrian moving both of their bodies at once sends a small surge of warm desire through him again, thinking of all the ways in the future Adrian might position him, the ways their bodies might move against each other, whether for sex or just... Perhaps sharing a bed. What would that be like? It sounds incredibly nice; he's not immune to wanting that kind of comfort.
He moves to lay at Adrian's side, but half of him is still draped over his roommate, knee bent over his thighs, hand coming up to cradle the opposite side of Adrian's neck and jaw. He gazes for a long moment at the dark mark on this side of his face, only partially covered by his facial hair- then kisses it softly.]
Anything. Your pick.
[With the people he's soft for, he tends to be curious. He always wants to know more about Adrian, and there are things to be learned about him through the story he tells. But there could also be something illuminating about what Adrian chooses to tell to Felix about him when invited to say literally anything. Any story, ever in his life-- what will stand out, what will seem important to share? Felix bets it'll be magic-related, but he wonders if he might be surprised.]
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They're stuck with each other, it seems. He keeps one arm hooked around Felix and skims his fingers up and down Felix's arm with the other. He's downright cozy, thinking only of wasting away the rest of the day curled up like this, until they decide to wile away the rest of the evening in somebody's bed, perhaps. He'll tell stories until his voice gives out if that's what it takes.
There's a moment where, becoming aware Felix is staring at his mark, the coziness dips dangerously, and he's a heartbeat away from squirming uncomfortably into a new position, maybe just yanking Felix over to his other side, when, oh! A kiss. Of course it's a kiss, because Felix has accepted even the worst part of him without any objections, or uncomfortable curiosities, or any of the usual routine.
Immediately, he tears up. He tries to blink back the hazy rush of tears to no avail, and has to scrub a hand over his face with a mumbled,] Sorry, I-- hold on a second.
[He's good, he's fine, it's nothing-- He gives Felix a tight squeeze and takes a deep breath. Tears aside, he'll be riding the high of that simple kiss for the next small age. Always a plus.
Story time.]
My student, the one who-- [is in some kind of mysterious trouble, mmm,] You know. Her name is Helena, although after she started learning the rapier, she insisted on being called Bee.
[A pause, like, obviously. The stinger. Felix is a sword guy, he gets it. She's ridiculous, but isn't that also adorable? Kids!]
I think you would like her, she's... spirited. Very dedicated. There was one time I had her practicing how to handle a larger enemy, and the first thing she did was climb the lattice in her parents' garden and leap at the training dummy from above.
[Perfect strategy, no notes.]
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His eyes widen slightly as he sees Adrian lose composure, and then his brow creases with concern.]
What's wrong?
[He murmurs it quietly. Even after Adrian had to kill a bunch of innocent people, and see a little girl die, he didn't cry- Felix isn't sure what caused it to happen now.
He moves his face back slightly to regard Adrian's face as he tells the story. Yes, he remembers this student. He smiles at her self-imposed alias, and huffs a small laugh at the end there. She sounds... A lot like a younger Felix.]
Yes. I'd like her.
[Oh!]
Someone told me that time back home is on pause while we're here. So at least you know nothing bad is happening to her at the moment.
[She'll still be in trouble when Adrian gets back, but for now, at least.
Which makes his mind wander to whether Adrian will want to go home, and whether he'll want to go home (probably not), and their eventual possible separation from each other. Hm. Something to ponder... Later. Not right now.]
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[He's fine now! He only cried for a few seconds, and while he'll probably open up more about that someday, he doesn't want to spend this time talking about his curse-based insecurities. Later, later. He turns his head to give Felix a smile, see! All fine!
But, good, perhaps the leaders will think it prudent to bring a teenage girl here and little Bee will be rescued from her mysterious fate and he won't ever have to worry about what's happened to her again, because she'll be right here, most likely, badgering him about getting her new equipment--
Wait.]
What? On... pause. And that's a certainty? Someone found out?
[That would mean-- does it mean she's aware of being "on pause," wherever she is-- no, it couldn't be that. So then it can be a relief, a tension going out of him at once, making him pull Felix in close and curl in against him, tucking his head against Felix's shoulder. He might tear up again, but at least this time it won't be difficult to figure out why.]
Thank you for letting me know.
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Yes. I think it's just a fact of things here. Those who have been here a while know stuff like that. It pauses when they take you out, and then eventually they put you right back at the exact time you left, so it's like you were never gone. Unless you choose to stay here permanently.
[That information has the intended effect on Adrian- he'd been meaning to tell him, because Felix knew he'd be relieved. He curls up into Felix, and something about it is so... Vulnerable, so sweet. Felix feels a strong urge to protect this person, and it shows in the way he wraps his arms around him completely, as though shielding him from something.]
Yeah. Of course.
[More than protection, he truly wants Adrian to be happy. Not just happy with Felix, though selfishly that would be nice- he wants Adrian to have his own life, be his own man, and feel fulfilled in that. Work past these things that weigh him down, and work toward things that bring him joy and make him feel confident.
He deserves to be confident.
Of course, Felix doesn't say any of this... Words are hard, and it would just make him feel even more vulnerable than he's already been all day today. So he kisses his hair and lets his hands do the talking- rubbing Adrian's back, smoothing over his shoulders, stroking his hair. At one point, his fingertips catching on something on his skin behind his ear, and they pause there to feel it more closely. It's not a zit, it's not even made of skin- it's hard, like metal or something.]
What-... What is this?
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Because he is. Happier. Yes, there is the issue of Bee, of course, and he has a responsibility to do something about that, but the rest? No one here treats him like a pariah. His magic has returned, albeit not in the most ideal way. Most shockingly of all he has Felix, who cares for him and wraps around him like this, like he is something worth cherishing.
So, really. If not for the one big problem, bully to the university and the city and all the rest. He supposes he'd miss his parents.
But he's getting distracted. Felix's fingers brush the stone behind his ear and it reacts, although only to Adrian, pulsing out a dim energy like it's a thing awake with its own heartbeat. The return of his magic has of course meant the stone is restored, too-- he had felt it stir on that same day and ignored it; it's no use to him here.]
That's the spider, [he says, like that means literally anything, and then corrects himself, leaning his head back some so as not to mumble everything into Felix's shoulder,] That's what we called it. It's from the university. Everyone in the cohort had one-- it connected us.
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In any case, he won't be alone. He won't be allowed to isolate himself, and that's probably for the best, since it's already doing wonders just to have Adrian and the animals around.
That explanation of the stone... Okay, cool, so that's terrifying and makes no sense to Felix. Say more about that.]
What? What do you mean? For communication?
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Adrian looks at him for an extra beat, as if only now cluing in that, oh, it's a strange thing to have, isn't it. Aha. Well.]
Yes, mostly... It's a bit of a magic amplifier, too. Not that it will do anything now, when it's only me in this world. Now it's basically jewelry.
[Basically.]
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That's... Creepy.
[His school. Implanted a thing into his skull. To communicate with other students and amplify their magic. It's cool, but also, what the fuck.
Felix leans over Adrian to look at it. Huh.]
How fashionable.
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[He's even a bit nostalgic; up until the end, he had a great time at school-- he misses it, and the cohort, what's left of them.
Still, they did call it the spider. He knows it's at least a little odd, as a thing to have implanted at school.
But no matter, because Felix leaning over him is a brilliant unintentional distraction, and Adrian can't resist twisting and leaning up to kiss him on the cheek. Observing his head spider? No; kisses, actually.]
Cw joking reference to self harm
Sounds torturous. If Garreg Mach did this to us, I probably would have cut it out of me.
[At the stolen cheek kiss, he looks at Adrian as though he just caught him doing something naughty. But it's teasing, and then he catches his lips in another kiss, and then another long one, as he sinks back down into the couch again, into Adrian's embrace. This kissing shit is very nice- now that he's done it once, he just wants to do it forever.]
I could get used to this.
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